Don’t be Her Trusty, Dusty Male Friend

It’s funny when a guy disappears from a certain kind of woman’s mind for a while and then as soon as she’s got relationship issues she’s happy to dump them on him. She’s good at strategic manipulation in relationships; she’ll be able to explain the absence away and make him feel like he’s the most important guy in her life, because for that moment, he really is. However, she doesn’t see him that way. She sees him as a stepping stone to understanding and manipulating whoever’s getting her properly. She sees him as a means of validating her hysteria, desperation, and if she’s lucky, attractiveness.

If he’s the right guy for the job, he’ll say “I understand what you’re going through and I would be acting differently if I were him—he’s wrong, you’re right.” Furthermore, there’ll be some sign that he’s interested in her sexually, but not just sexually. He’s willing to share his most precious resource with her—his time—when it’s most costly to do so. He thinks he’s making an investment in the future, and he might be. If she’s mildly attracted to him, she might be able to convince herself that something romantic can happen between them, something passionate. But what’ll always be absent is respect, because while they don’t always seem it, women are rational, and no one can really respect a man who carries someone else’s emotional burdens when he could be developing himself into the man he wants to be and women want to be with independently of their past or current romantic experience.

Even if they end up knocking boots immediately, she’ll regret it and be in an even tougher spot with her boyfriend. Suppose the sex with her supportive friend isn’t a slam dunk the first time—she’ll really regret it and run back to her boyfriend because let’s face it: if the sex AND the relationship were bad, she’d just leave. Then friendy will be shit out of luck because she already had no respect for him as a man and now she doesn’t think of him as one at all. He’s effectively her gay buddy without the panache that usually goes along with it. Also, do you think she’d support him if he were having trouble? Hell no! She’d be too busy trying to maintain relations with the quality mate she already has.

Now let’s suppose the sex goes really well. Then she’ll still recognize that she’s in a relationship and have trouble ending it! She doesn’t want to look like the bad guy in the end and she also doesn’t want to lie to her boyfriend. So, her emotional attachment to him will drive her to sympathy and she’ll think of him as a victim who deserves her love and whose love she doesn’t deserve, so now her mission is to earn back the right to be loved. Will she tell him? Not directly. Will she come back to you, assuming you’re her trusty doormat friend with superior sexual prowess? Yeah, you might get it on a few more times. But what will come of it in the end? You’ll look like a sociopath to her because the act was sociopathic and she doesn’t want to self-examine, and she’s now conditioned to play nice with her boyfriend and look for guys who can give it to her like a man. She’ll want a blank slate because what happened between the two of you shouldn’t have. Y’all won’t have that, because you started as friends and started fucking while she was with someone else, and then you’ll just be the guy who made her realize that her relationship is fucked up and destined to be abusive but also that she wants to stay long enough to find something better, something that saves her from the treatment she gets after she tells her boyfriend something happened without explicitly telling him.

She might call you again. If you’re smart, you’ll raise your middle finger to the phone and push that toxic cunt out of your mind for good.


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